Relationships are tricky and for that reason, this blog post will be too. It goes without saying that was works for me would not necessarily work for you.
I am easily the size of two of my boyfriend put together. Now, when we first started dating, we received an incredible amount of unsolicited criticism based on this fact alone. This used to get under my skin continuously; since we’ve been together for over a year we’ve learned to brush this off day by day.
I believe that the fear that those kinds of people existed in the world is exactly what kept me from going after people I had feelings towards growing up. I wanted a guy who would love me in every state, even if he didn’t like me. I wanted a man who could love me with the lights on always. I wanted a person in my life that could understand when I make a fat joke about myself I was not being degrading. I just legitimately like to laugh at myself sometimes.
I found him and I am beyond grateful. Let’s get something straight, I’m not grateful that I found someone to love me, because I do believe I am lovable. I’m grateful that I found someone that doesn’t baby me. He treats me like the fat, sassy, and ambitious woman that I am. He jumps at the chance to make a joke about eating me first if a plane crashes. He’s the first to put me in check and tell me if I’m hangry and one of the few to push me to follow my dreams without question. In doing all of that, he still manages to call me beautiful every day, take the trash out, and tickle me to the point of death.
Now this isn’t a letter to partners out there to run home and start calling your loved ones fatties. There’s a delicacy to the situation, but I have made my feelings towards my own relationship with my weight very to clear to my partner. Because he grew up without the shame centered on his own weight, I encourage him to ask questions and to be open-minded with my feelings. I have also communicated that for me, I am more than okay as being described as fat. This is by no means every person.
I will not allow my fatness to be shameful a topic, especially around the people I hold near to my heart. My relationship works, because my fatness is an intimate part of conversations and feelings. It is not something I hide. I always wanted someone to love. But most importantly I wanted someone to love me for the very thing that most people can’t seem to understand. For the simple fact that my fatness does not define me, but is still an integral part of who I am.
PLUS, He eats cake with me. What more do I need?
XXX Izzi Marie